My last night sleeping in my room today. While I have been in this situation a few times before, like a lot of other experiences, I hadn’t really thought about it. I can almost feel the emptiness that would envelop my house, and me, for some time. Don’t get me wrong, I do _not_ think that the world revolves around me. But as I helped my mother pack, I knew hers did.
And it has been so since a long time, longer than I can recall; probably because my brain wasn’t even developed when it first started. I dread the teary farewell, I always do. Something about it, for some crooked reasons in my head, would always bring up feelings of disgust, another part of would tell me its weakness; even if the tears were mine. But, now I am wiser (at least I like to think so), and now I know that it is simply a front. I still dread it.
It is strange; Laughable almost, these feelings I have now. They show you how fickle we can be. How contradictory. For, far as I recall, once or twice every month for the past 3 years, I would want to keep some distance from home; I would get it in my head that I need to move on and move out. I would tell it to myself, I would tell it to the people close to me. It was always some reason or the other; but the truth is, on average, I have enjoyed my time. Sure, it has had its detriments, but I’ll be damned if I can’t admit the flipside. I have enjoyed sharing this space with two people who mean the world to me, even though I think I might have outgrown it a few years back. I have bonded with my parents at a time that I think was ripe for all of us, with both parties thinking about their paths ahead.
With their support, I have seen myself through personal and professional conundrums. I have had a chance to interact with them as something other than just parents. I have talked to them as my friends, I have shared with them things I wouldn’t have earlier – before this, I was either a child or a clueless rebel. And they have given me the liberties of being an adult (every now and then, obviously), explicitly or otherwise. We have laughed, cried, fought, celebrated, travelled, shared, learnt, grown. Together.
This isn’t going to be easy…