How strange it is to look at two people and feel bad. You have nothing to go on, but the illusion of happiness on their part. No underlying asset, just an inflated bubble based solely on the biased, hopeful expectations of the only two investors involved in the seemingly happy illusion.
And how strange to look at this happiness and feel bad, to feel guilt and in times of desperation and momentary lapses of holding it all together – regret and remorse. It is no crime really to be single, yet why do i feel like a criminal? Why do i feel like i am being treated unjustly by society at large and my facebook feed in particular?
Why isn’t it that singledom receive as much adulation as the opposite? Why not pat someone on the back when they explore themselves by looking inside rather than through projecting themselves onto a person and making him/her responsible for helping them out? Why can’t we just form pacts that say “Well, we are sorted. At least sorted enough. I’m willing to work on my issues on my own; could use a hand though. Hope yours is steady and strong. Would you like mine?” and just ……
And why is this so difficult? Why does being in a relationship require so much effort and energy and passion and compassion and love and trust and honesty and courtesy and mannerisms and pretenses and secrets and hatred and tension and fights….. And love….
And yet the moment you are out of one and are convinced that an autogamous relationship is the one for you, the thoughts pop right back up? Aren’t babies smarter than us then? Granted they won’t listen to you when you “tell” them the stove is hot, but once they have had egos shot down by the scalding burns, they learn and they remember; they evolve. So if we still don’t “learn”, and yet somehow we have managed to evolve as a species – despite this clear lack of knowledge transference from HR downstairs to the big guy up top – must there be an answer?
Could it be then that –
a) we are not evolving &
b) we “are” learning.
Examples for (a) abound of course. You see them daily – in offices you work in, in music videos, on TV, in the streets where you drive, in cars while you cross the road, in your head. Let’s just put that aside for a second and attribute the above tirade to personal experiences and a general bias and superiority complex that a certain someone might have. *ahem*
Assuming, we are *cough* evolving *cough*, we are left with option (b). So what do we really learn then? We learn that we are not compatible with a certain type of person. We learn that it won’t work out with them. We learn (or convince ourselves) that there are many many different varieties out there. “One of them must be my size after all! Lemme try a few.”
And of course, while such go getters go ahead and, well, get (?), lazy rambling writers get nowhere with their philosophies seeing that they are lazy, rambling, pathologically curious, philosophical, mind numbingly recalcitrant, grandiloquently pompous show-offs. Condemned to be extinct – Save a writer, you know what to do.